Thursday, November 29, 2007

Wrapping Presents 101 for Cat Owners

As correctly suggested by Hot(M)BC, the title of this post has been changed to:

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.

15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.

17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.

19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.

22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.

24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.

25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.

31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)

32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.

36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.

author unknown




Cheysuli and gemini said...

My human laughs. It's why she uses gift bags (which I love to open!)


Maggy & Zoey said...

This is priceless! We're glad to now know some tricks we hadn't thought of before... that'll get us even with Mom for making us decorate that ridiculous thing she is calling a "tree" on the back porch!

Hey: is someone not well over at the SSSSS? What's happening?

Samantha & Tigger said...

This is the cutest thing!!! We love it! Wow, we can do a lot of things now when Mom starts to wrap!! Thanks for the advice.
Your FL furiends,

Lux said...

Exactly, Mom says. :)

Happy Holidays to you, too!

Hot(M)BC said...

Cat owners? We finks not. Cat STAFF is the rite werd. *giggles*

We hopes yore Mommy feels better soon!!! We'll send lotsa purrs n purrayers n kitty mojo.

Sanjee and the Hotties gang

The Taylor CatSSSSS said...

Thank you Sanjee and the Hotties gang. The blog title has been changed! How right you are: Dogs have owners, Cats have staff!

Thanks for the get well wishes!


Victor Tabbycat said...

Yup, Mom says reusabul gift bags are the bestest. I fink they's fun, too. No fair orderin frum Amazon an hafin them wrap an ship!

Tiger Lily said...

hahahahaha! Mom says that sounds about right. It's why she uses gift bags now too.

Mickey said...

I think cats are the reason gift bags were invented!!
We heard Momma (Deb) is not feeling well :(
We will send lots of purrs your way!!!
get well soon!!


Daisy said...

That's too funny! And very true to life, too.

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

hahaha! and we get to help wrap 5 Secret Paws packages very soon - fun!

love & purrrrs to your mom - get well!

topcatrules said...

A pat to your mom!

That was the BEST thing we have read today. We loved it! When we got to #30 we laughed out loud!

And the house at the bottom of the post is wonderful!

The Cat Realm said...

Hmmmmmm - I wonder why our staff never wraps any presents......

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Ack, mom goes to da annual "wrapping party" at da church and we neffur get to have any fun...

Forty Paws said...

Boy, ain't this the truth? You can add one about all the fur that gets on the presents too.

Luf, Us

Artsy Catsy said...

We LOVED this post! And we're sending lots of purrs and purrayers and get well wishes to your mommy Deb.

Artsy Catsy

Parker said...

HaHaHaHaHa! How true to life!

Eric and Flynn said...

Hahaha that is funny. We help wiv the gift wrapping too. A few furrs make good dekkerayshuns on yer packages too.

Jan said...

We came by from Bonnie Underfoot and Victor's. Thanks for posting the proper way to wrap presents. We will leave a link lying around for Jan to find. Perhaps she will visit and learn how to wrap our gifts properly.

Sigh. We've tried and tried to teach her. She's just a slow learner.

Jan's Funny Farm residents

michico*Adan said...

That is very good~!!!!

ML (Mary Lynn) said...

KC said...
O, Sam, Sam "tha Ham", u's been challenged... see mines bloggie!
Purrs, KC